| (no subject) |
[Dec. 15th, 2005|04:16 pm] |
wooo<333
update.
its been forever.
i miss you all<3 |
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| happy 4th of july... |
[Jul. 4th, 2005|11:38 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  bored | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Underoath-They're only chasing safety | ] |
i seriously need to get a fucking life..lol im soo lame. i didnt do shit for the 4th of july :( summer school is really taking a toll on me..just 9 more days left but it feels like a year...i really havent had a summer vacation yet. this weekend had to be the best weekend ever. i went to the vans warped tour!!! it was AMAZING!! i saw soo many good bands such as Underoath, From First To Last, stutterfly, hawthrone heights, thrice, my chemical romance, atreyu, senses fail, sliverstein and i even met Ben from ARMOR FOR SLEEP one of my favorite bands!!! it was soo awesome plus i went with my 2 best friends so it made it soo much more awesome. im still really sunburnt though my nose looks werid its grossing me out. haha ive been home since yesterday ahh i needa get out of my house. i need a boyfriend. seriously. i miss being in a relationship but the thing i dont miss is getting screwed over..i just want someone nice understanding and someone who likes me for me and not toy around with my head. im soo sick of people lately. i got in an argument with dustin this morning and it set me off in a bad mood since. he acts liek hes my friend and starts to insult me constantly for no fucking reason. hes soo much drama i dont think i can handle it anymore. its enough hes already jealous of Brian and brian lives all the way in FL..agh i just dont want to be his friend anymore..hes just too much drama anywayz, i hate bitching seriously but sometimes you got to..well thats it for now...
Amykins<3 |
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| it was a straight faced lie i believe..it was a straight faced lie you would ever leave me.... |
[Jun. 15th, 2005|09:50 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | uncomfortable | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Armor for Sleep-Dream to Make believe | ] |
i guess i need to update this more often.
its been a long while.
theres some things i wish i could hold onto but i cant.
like my love for a certain someone even though its been 3 months
i still miss you.
i still miss..well everything
but i cant change the fact that its over.
and i cant change the way you feel.
anywayz lifes been up and down lately.
its summer but yet i dont feel like its summer
i guess the pressure from my parents to finish college is getting to me.
i hate being pressured
i hate this so much
i hate it to the point where i dont even want to be alive.
the thing that most people dont know about me is deep down
im not all as happy as i seem to be...
too many memories haunt me
too many heartbreaks
too many people i care about just leave me behind
and it scares me
that i will be forgotten again
i hate how the world is so big
and im just one person
i hate how the person want to be with is 3000 miles away from
i hate the fact that i cant hold them or kiss them or anything
and yes it does kill me inside
because i want these things so very badly
and im scared
that they will forget me
and move on
just like everyone has before.
i wish i can be happy
but for some reason its like im not allowed to
im not allowed to be happy
because if i am its taken away from me
3 months ago i was soo happy i had everything i ever wanted
all of it was a lie one big hurtful lie
till this day i cry my eyes out
because this person meant the world to me
and i lost them
yeah life is shitty
i know that
blah shit happens
but sometimes i wish it would stop for just once
and give me a chance to be happy...
Your heart is a river that flows from your chest
Through every organ
Your brain is the dam
And i am the fish who can't reach the cord....Death Cab For Cutie<3 |
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| to put it nicely..i hope you choke.. |
[Apr. 1st, 2005|05:41 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | disappointed | ] |
| [ | music |
| | My Chemical Romance | ] |
so hm..i was kinda in high spirits tonight cuz i thought i was going to see my boyfriend, but he has to work. so im bummed. but me and kylie are going to hang out and go eat and just chill. i hopefully will see Matt tomorrow. anywayz. school sucks. i wish it was summer already. im getting tired of it. not much is going on...well the fact that i have a bf and a friend of mine has a "crush" on me..haha rather interesting because i had been single for so long then when i get a bf guys are finally attracted to me..haha funny. oh well...hmm... warped tour tickets are on sale. i need to get mine soon! i was in el paso for a week i just got back on monday. it was fun and cool seeing the very few friends i have left there..not much else is going on...lifes kinda boring but yet exciting. im soo hungry my stomach its hurting. anywayz imma go..bye for now! |
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| you are beautiful.......but you dont mean a thing to me.... |
[Mar. 26th, 2005|11:48 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  artistic | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Death Cab For Cutie-Transatlantism | ] |
she stands still in the corner as he wraps his arms around her, looks into her eyes and says...i love you....
im so glad he loves me and i love him, and we are together.
im happy that life is going good for me for once in my life.
i just hope life doesnt screw me over.....
im just a scared fragil girl.
i take things too seriously and end up getting hurt...
im learning to become a stronger person for my own benifit.
im glad that my heart is whole again.
im just afraid.
im just like everyone else out there hoping to find that "one" and hoping to hold on to them for the longest time...
guess what......
i found him...
and he found me.....
and now im whole again...
but love isnt easy.
it never will be.
it comes with risks.
but im willing to take these risks and see where it takes me..
im happy.
and no you cannot take that away from me...
you never will and i wont let you.
no one will..
i will be happy its my time to shine..
and im glad that most of you support me on this
and thank you..
im in el paso...
just 1 more day till i go back.
its been fun
im glad i got to see home its been a long while
i seemed to have lost touch with it.
and it made me sad..
thats it for now..
Adieu<3 |
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| (no subject) |
[Mar. 20th, 2005|10:58 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  loved | ] |
| [ | music |
| | My Chemical Romance-3 cheers for sweet revenge | ] |
Bang Bang.....guns go bang.......... |
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| i'll be your best kept secret and your biggest mistake..... |
[Mar. 15th, 2005|08:26 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | uncomfortable | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Fall Out Boy | ] |
so this past few days have been crazy, not to mention the fact that my ex bf and i hooked up saturday and today........im glad we are friends again but the werid thing is how we kept away from each other for 9 months fighting and aruging now we are close again, i went to his house today we went to breakfast, then he took me to this flea market i got some awesome sunglasses for 5 bucks then we went to his house and "watched" donnie darko well some of it...the rest of the time it was making out haha, it was cool but werid.i dunno how i feel about it. its just crazy,i think friends is all we are going to be, i dont think getting back together for a 4th time is going to work out so well. even though hes my first real love and everything i dont know..a part of me still loves him dearly but a part of me doesnt like the person hes become. i dunno we'll see. like i say whatever happens happens. anywayz just 2 more days till i leave to texas for spring break. im excited!! and thats it for now!!
Amykins<3 |
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| sing like you think no ones listening............ |
[Mar. 9th, 2005|10:28 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  calm | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Atreyu- The Curse | ] |
so yeah,i saw michael on monday we went to the mall and hung around we really didnt buy anything i saw some cute shoes at payless but i bought them the next day. its weds the middle of the freakin week! im excited about this weekend though, moms going out of town and me and kylie and some people are hitting up a good show saturday night. i bought new clothes today. i talked to Michael on the phone for a while and someone keeps prank calling me on my cell phone saying stupid shit and when i find out whos doing it imma kick their asses to the moon!!! haha, anywayz, i just wrote this essay for my FCS2 class! its hella good i read it to my mom and to kylie and they both loved it. almost one week till i go home. im excited and yet kinda sad cuz imma miss my friends but its just for a week and i havent been home in hella so it would be a nice change to see home again! i hope i can see michael this weekend i think i will :) he makes me happy. i dunno why but i love every moment i get to spend with him also we are becoming good friends and hes starting to really open up to me. which is really cool cuz at first it was frustrating then i told him something so now hes starting to slowly open up to me and tell me how he feels about things and why hes so down. anywayz what else? i want to buy new jeans i think i droped another pant size i hope cuz my pants arent tight on me as they use to be. i guess thats good. well thats all i can think of for now!
Amykins |
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| note to self i miss you terribly..this is what we call a tragedy........ |
[Mar. 6th, 2005|09:40 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  frustrated | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Death Cab For Cutie | ] |
so the weekend is pretty much over...i didnt do much really..ive been home the last few days...just hanging around downloading music, talking to michael online alot. and watching kylie go through a bad break up..i think im going to be seeing michael 2morrow. we are ganna go shopping. hes alot better now than he was last week. im confused. i do like this boy alot. and the more i spend time with him and the more we talk it just gets more confusing because im starting to develope feelings. im happy though but yet frustrated because i have unfinished business with a guy who wont talk to me but he doesnt live here in CAL, he stoped calling me after he promised he wouldnt leave me again but yet what did he do ran off..without any explanation..whatever if your going to be an asshole then you can just shove it. anywayz, kylie and richard broke up because richard is a douche he said that they live far away and he cant handle long distance relationship..uhhh Lodi isnt that far its only like a 15 min drive but someone is a lazy ass he cant seem to try to find a ride. how gay. anywayz, i need new pants. im going home to el paso in about 2 weeks. im excited. its been a year. i talked to melissa she might be coming down to stay with me while im there. and i hope i get to see some familiar faces! ganna hit up a few shows!!! the el paso scene is great! anywayz i think thats it for now imma get ready for bed and for school 2mmorrow..
Love
Amykins<3 |
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| yay!!!!!!!!!1 |
[Mar. 4th, 2005|11:43 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | content | ] |
| [ | music |
| | From First To Last | ] |
im soo happy!! MICHAEL ISNT SO SAD ANYMORE!!!!!!!! and me and kylie and a fun night at dennys here are some pics!!!
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| car underwater....... |
[Mar. 2nd, 2005|09:11 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  anxious | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Armor For Sleep | ] |
okay. so yeah its the middle of the week. i didnt go to my first class today cuz i was tired. so i went to my humanties class i got a good grade on my test. yey!<3 how exciting, anywayz, i went to the gym today, i filled out mor job applications and turned them in. i applyed at Barns N Nobles, The Gap, AE and bath and body works. i called Michael today he wants to hang out tomorrow since i dont have school im excited! i got a cute little idea to cheer him up since hes been down lately. i hope we can go to breakfast! that would be fun then after that i dunno i think he wanted to go to the Zoo yesterday but we ended up going to the movies. hes suppose to call me tonight i cant wait..ahh its werid i get butterflies in my tummy just waiting for him to call! hehe, i think Kylie is mad at me. we kinda got in a argument about me driving everyone around cuz sometimes i get the feeling that shes using me to take her and her friends around and she said sorry she didnt mean to, anywayz im counting down the days till i get to go home to el paso. i cant wait. its going to be great. i hope at least. but im going to miss my friends here and im going to miss Michael so much, its only been a week since we've been talking and hanging out but i care about him soo much and lastnight he told me he cares about me too im very happy i hope things turn out for the best! agh my best friend Andrew got to see Atreyu in concert tonight :( lucky! okay i will write more 2morrow after i hang out with MICHAEL<3 <3 <3 <3 <3
Amykins<3 |
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| awesome night |
[Mar. 1st, 2005|11:06 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  confused | ] |
| [ | music |
| | The Blood Brothers | ] |
i dont write in this thing often as i should. anywayz i hung out with Michael tonight! i also went to a job interview at Red Lobster i went with Annie Meg and Ed. it was great seeing Annie i havent seen her in hella long! she looks amazing with her new hair! how pretty anywayz they had on the spot interviews and they make you take this test. it was like the SATS all over again lol, anywayz he couldnt get us our test results so we left and i was running late to meet Michael. anywayz i went home changed and met up with him at the mall the we went to go eat at Johns Incredible Pizza! haha funny cuz he works there we ate and played video games then we went downtown to see a movie we saw cursed it was really good, then he took me back to my car that i left at the mall and i came home. its raining outside. i really like him alot. but hes going through some hard times right now he just got out of a relationship. so i know what thats like. im going home in 3 weeks for a visit im excited. i cant wait to see how everything has changed. anywayz thats it for now much love
Amykins<3 |
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| so confusing... |
[Dec. 7th, 2004|03:22 pm] |
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i dont know what to do...i like brandon so much..its so confusing and hes confusing me, he doesnt know what he wants...im just like scared that hes going to choose someone else over me....AGHH! i hate this!.. |
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| we do the best we can in a small town act like big city kids when the sun goes down. |
[Nov. 30th, 2004|08:09 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | calm | ] |
| [ | music |
| | copeland- Beneath Medicine Tree | ] |
yeah so anyways, same shit different day school blows a fucking nut haha, anyways yeah i need to write in this thing more often. and nate you better comment fucker! haha anyways my mammy is leaving at 2 am to egypt. imma miss her. shes been freaking out lately. i would be too cuz its a big trip and half the stuff shes taking is christmas gifts for the family. so yeah school was okay. i hate my accounting teacher hes such a dick. but yeah thats life. not much been going on, just been talking to Brandon<3! woop! awesomeness. im sleepy. and grumpy and i need some love... :( |
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| im lonely for you. |
[Nov. 20th, 2004|01:10 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | uncomfortable | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Bleeding Through | ] |
lastnight i dreamt that someone loves me.
no hope.
no harm
just another false alarm....i need someone to hold me........ |
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| oh. wow. im back. oh. yay! |
[Nov. 17th, 2004|09:11 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  cold | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Atreyu- The Curse | ] |
JESUS! Holy Crap its been forever since i've written in this damn thing! i totally forgot about it since i have myspace now! but luckly my friend Nate reminded me of LJ so here i am again! last time i posted was on my birthday. well alot has happend since then. im 19 now. oh yey not really same shit as being 18 no different. college is going okay. just kinda slacking it but i made a B on my business law exam on monday so im pretty happy about that. lets see things are alot better since the summer! im single though and it sucks. i need a boy!!!! any takers?!!!! :) hehe anyways yeah its cool i guess. i lost about 23 pounds. dang i know but im still kinda chubby ehhh but i will lose it. for some reason i want to be hella skinny! my hip bones dont stick out yet :( hehe anyways, i hate dustin dustin hates me oh yay the lovely hatred against ex boyfriends. yeah he talked alot of shit about me. said he wanted me to die and that im a waste of space on this earth and for the longest time i agreed with him but not anymore. im back and im a big mean bitch well not really. but yeah im back! so yay! leave me some comments!!!!!!!!!!!!!! |
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| She wants to be loved. |
[Sep. 29th, 2004|03:19 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | bitchy | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Death Cab For Cutie | ] |
sorry i havent written in a while. but tommorrow is my birthday..im going to be 19...oh yes. im old. |
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| shittiest summer ever... |
[Aug. 1st, 2004|03:14 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | depressed | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Copeland- Brightest | ] |
yeah this summer sucked soo much...grr....nothing can ever go my way for once....i hate it...makes me angry. ive been going to the gym lately to get my stress out...its not really helping, i want to yell....but yet i cannot..because i cannot show that i am miserable to anyone or else i never hear the end if it...why are u said Amy? why are u always depressed? I DONT FUCKING KNOW!!! gee...i need to find peace within myself...and for some reason i cant..im always angry always sad...sometimes i wish i can just leave and never come back...go to an island far far away from everyone..i just need to be alone. i need space..parents hounding me all the time for school and grades and everything that i ever do wrong..but nothing that i ever do is right in the first place...this summer has been the worst though..fighting with pratically everyone...Dustin,Joe, Stephan, then now Josh...grr how much more can i take from you? gee...thought u were my friends..no one is my friend...and this stupid piece of crap computer seems to be the only place that i can write down how i feel.. sucks to be me doesnt it? oh well..whatever. imma start being mean and selfish...maybe that will teach those people not to walk all over me. |
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| im so homesick.. |
[Jul. 26th, 2004|07:27 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | discontent | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Famous Last Words- Punchs Thrown. | ] |
man, wow its been a while since i've written in my live journal i have my space now so i mostly write blogs on there, anyways, i feel so homesick all of a sudden i havent felt this way in a while. i miss El Paso, and i dont know the next time im going to be there! its crazy, anyways summer is almost over 3 more weeks i start school Aug 16th, my birthday is in september so not far away at all. ive just been hanging around lots of drama has happend with people over these last few weeks. but im doing alot better than i was last month, my heart is heeling from the aweful break up i had with Dustin. i've made a ton of new friends here in cali but i will never forget those in el paso, you guys i miss you and i love you all. id really like to know what has been going on in ep so someone plz inform me. well i'll end here.. |
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| ..yeah he is beautiful but he doesnt mean a thing to me... |
[Jul. 8th, 2004|05:55 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  blah | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Death Cab For Cutie | ] |
blah..wow okay so its offical SUMMER SCHOOL IS NOW OVER! yey!!! **dances around*** hah yeah its pretty exciting i took my final today i think i did good on it..then i came home and chilled online talked to Willie and then i got dressed and with my mommy shopping it was okay. but i felt so fucking fat trying on clothes! i still need to lose weight. anywayz i was suppose to go see Grunt Partcle lastnight at tower records. but i didnt get to make it due to my stupid final i had to study for 10 chapters lastnight. i was pretty sad cuz Walter and Annie and Willie went and i wanted to hang out with them. but 2morrow GP is playing another show so imma go with Annie to that one and look for hotties haha im such a dork! anywayz 1 more day till vegas im pretty siked should be fun what else? uhh thats about it...drop me a line!
-Amy<3 |
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